Letter #8

Ok, little one... so its very apparent that I didnt get to twenty something letters like I hoped. But to finish them off I wanted to share your birth story.

One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.

June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.

Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.

When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"

I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.

Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.

We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.

I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I

By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!

My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.

Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.

At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.

You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.

I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.

It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.

You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.

Letter #7

Ok, little one... so its very apparent that I didnt get to twenty something letters like I hoped. But to finish them off I wanted to share your birth story.

One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.

June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.

Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.

When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"

I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.

Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.

We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.

 I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I

By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!

My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.

Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.

At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.

You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.

I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.

It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.

You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.

Letter #6

Kenley,

Kenley Marie Mills.... Kenley Mills, Kenley Marie (as your daddy likes to say). I love your name, and you should know that your name is so special to me.

I was about 5 months pregnant when we decided on your name. I loved the fact that your daddy and I had finally come to a desicion and had agreed on your name together. From that point on I would always refer to you by name. "well, when Kenley is here..." and "this will look so cute on Kenley." "I wonder what Kenley will look like." and..."owwww! Kenley is right under my ribs!" I was already in love.
So... let me tell you about your name.
Before I even knew that your name actually had been used as a name before, I KNEW that boy or girl, your daddy and I would name our baby after my Uncle Ken. If we were having a boy his middle name would be Kenneth. So when we found out that you were a girl we had to get a little bit more creative. While going through all the baby name books, I found myself being continually drawn to names ending in "-ley." And one night when your daddy was already asleep and I lay there trying to fall asleep myself, it hit me! KEN-LEY! I tapped your daddy on the shoulder and whispered in his ear..."kenley..." He didnt say anything, just smiled.
It breaks my heart a little to know that you wont meet your great Uncle Ken.... he would have LOVED you. Your grammy and I say all the time how much he would have hogged you and you two would have been best friends. I know this because thats how he was with me.
He was MY mommys older brother, my Godfather and one of my very best friends. Uncle Ken and I always got told how much we looked alike. Not only did we look alike but we just seemed to click. We were two peas in a pod.
Every once in a while you will pull his picture down from the entertainment center where it sits. I usually take it from you so you dont break it and point to the picture... "This is Uncle Ken. We named you after him... he's in heaven." You usually just smile, like you know.
When it came to giving you a middle name I hadnt even thought to give you the same initals as him but "Marie" is a family name for both your daddy and I and we thought it sounded so cute together. So now your first two initails are K.M. just like Kenneth Mayland (Semmler).
Ive become a little protective over your name, baby. I dont like hearing that someone knows someone who named their daughter Kenley. Maybe its because it means more to me. I hope you like your name too. I know I hated growing up with a name that was so common, so hopefully you will enjoy having something a little different.

Things for your first birthday are really coming together! Which is good because 1 week from today we will be in Napa getting ready for your party.
 xoxoxo Mama

Letter #5

Kenley,

This is the story of how you and I came to re-define the term "retail therapy."

I cant WAIT until I can tell you all about our adventures at Kissui... about the hours on end I had to strapped to my back (and front), about how you were the perfect floor model and about the crazy outfits you got to wear...

Tomorrow you and I will pack up in the morning and be in Redlands by 10:00am. We will stop at Coffee Bean and get "the usual." We will drive two more blocks where I will park and first admire the adorable window display of the place we call work. The store looks so peaceful in the morning. Before I turn on the lights, there is a perfect beam of sun that lights up the front of the store, like a spotlight.

When I put the key in the door and hear it creak open, I realize thats the last time all day the store will be quiet enough to hear it "creak." ... because for the rest of the day it will be a combination of noises: our random mash-up of Pandora stations, the gib-gab of all the fabulous mommies, the phone ringing and of course your cute and not-so-little noises. Throughout our shift we will be doing cloth diaper and baby wearing demonstrations- I will tell the curious mamas what has worked for you and I (and what hasnt) , what everyone else at Kissui suggests and of course, the crunchy-green way of doing things. Meanwhile, everyone will poke and gawk over you and you will act like its nothing new, which it isnt but youre a trooper anyway. We will keep the store tidy and stocked. We will sweep. We will type up baby registiries and we will call our patient customers to let them know that our "______ shipment has finally arrived."

By the time you and I are both drenched in sweat I will put you in the little red chair that sits behind the counter. Its like a highchair with no tray. There you will dig into your cheerios or peach puffs. Unless I put you at the perfect coordinates, you will tug on the tissue paper display or start pulling stuff off the counters. Its a perfected art-form, baby.

So really, you can tell Kissui doesnt really feel like "retail" at all. I like to think of it more as a cool-club for-crunchy-moms-who-do-their-research.... who in exchange for sparkling converstation (and a sneak-peek at their brand new baby or soon-to-pop belly) get to check out all our cool stuff.

In a Japanese dictionary you will find "kissui" to mean; pure, genuine and natural... and it is all of those things (plus some over the top adorable clothes/assessories) but for your Mama, it has been a life-saver... a reason to get showered, clothed and OUTSIDE! To say that I have enjoyed getting to know the other girls that work there and have had fun hanging with them seems like such a HUGE understatement... I wish I knew them from day one down here!
 But more importantly, I think its been good for you too. You LOVEEE checking out all the other babies and you are so intriguied by all the colors, shapes and sounds of the store.

People are always complaining about their co-workers, clearly none of them have worked with you. Thanks for being awesome.


12 days til you are one.

Love, Mama

Letter #4

Dear Kenley (my little traveling gypsy),

 Between being born in Napa and spending your first two months there, and then spending the rest of the summer in Cloverdale, THEN moving on down to the desesrt... you have lived in THREE different cities all before the age of one.... thus giving you your very appropriate nickname (by Granny Sarah) "the traveling gypsy." and that you are...
When I think about the many random places youve been and people youve seen I cant help but wonder how it will affect you. I have a feeling you are going to have very little fear of the unknown, which you already do. You will let ANYONE hold you and will go ANYWHERE. But dont get too brave little one, as much as I love to assume the best in people myself, not everyone can be trusted!
I can see it now, with your big heart and curious mind... just wanting to assume the best in everyone as well. The world is big beautiful place and I hope you get to see it all, just promise Mama you will always be careful!
As we speak you have crawled out of the computer room and into your room around the corner and you are taking everything off of the lower shelf of your changing table. exactly two weeks until your first birthday and you are tearing into EVERYTHING! like I said, curious you are.

Some days I dont know where to call home, but I figure "home" is wherever you are.

Love, Mama

one of our first days in Riverside.

Letter #3

Kenley,

I write you this note during your afternoon nap. I just finished bringing your clothes in from the laundry line which gave me inspiration for this next letter.
YOU-HAVE-SO-MANY-CLOTHES!
I thought after you out grew all of your clothes that I was given at my showers that it would slow down a little, but no, the clothes just keep coming. Bottom line- everyone loves dressing you.
As far as outfits that we have taken you out in... you have never- to this day- worn the same outfit twice. Now, of course you have worn the same pajamas and little lazy day outfits that we lounge around the house in, but... you have LITERALLY never worn the same cute, out-of-the-house, go-to-work, see-friends etc outfit more than once. Its over the top.
I have done my best to take a picture of each and every one, but some manage to slip by me. I hope you dont hate me for dolling you up all the time! watch you turn out to be a complete tom-boy :)
Which makes me wonder, what kind of little girl you will be?
Will you like sports? Will you dance? Will you be an artist? Will you sing?
It all excites me to even think about and I cant wait to see.
Whatever you do, know that your daddy and I will be here to see your dreams through.
19 days until you are 1.

Love Mama

these pictures your Grammy and I took after shower #5 

you are loved to say the least.

Birthday Invites by Tori Russo

Letter # 2 "The Biggest Fan"

OK, so I didnt keep up with the letters to Kenley while my computer was gone like I said I was going to but look at me!!... blogging first thing in the morning on the first day I have had my computer up and running (I am warming up my fingers for a long day of transcription).
 We have had a crazy couple of weeks... with baseball season over I thought things would slow down but wow was I wrong. Work has picked up for me, Gavin just finished finals yesterday, trying to get things together for summer school and his summer team and yesterday was my birthday!!
 Let me just say that I have decided that I have the best friends in the world. I woke up kind of bummed out that I wouldnt be spending the day with my friends and fam from home. I was SO cheered up when I went to the mailbox to find letters, cards, treats, flowers from my FANTASTIC friends and family who had made sure that they knew they were thinking of me... even from 500 miles away. My favorite part of the day was having flowers dropped off at the door that my friend Danielle had sent to me... that was a FIRST, I have never had flowers directly sent to me! They were arranged to look like a little martini glass too haha! and THEN!!.... my mom called me and had me go on a hunt around the house to find little gifts that she had hid for me while she was here. I thought that was so cute :)
The second highlight of the day was Kenley crawling into her rooming shutting the door behind her. Gavin and I had a good laugh.
Along with a couple other little gifts, Gavin bought me two "dwarf" lemon trees!! I was SOOO excited!! so, how much of a mom am I?!? Dwarf meaning that they can stay potted! so, why TWO lemon trees you may ask?? "When you have two, they can cross pollenate and help each other produce more fruit." hahaha wow, I love him.
After going for a run and having my cup of coffee, I had a relaxing morning playing with Kenley and finishing some laundry before everyone came over for lunch. I got taken to my favorite mexican place that is part of the Mission Inn, had some margaritas and then went to play golf. AND! tomorrow by the time I get off work, my very best friend Lauren will be in town with her boyfriend that Im dying to meet :)
It was such a perfect birthday. Thanks everyone!

Onto Letter # 2 "The Biggest Fan."

Baby Girl,
You may be little, but you are the BIGGEST baseball fan I know. Your daddy and I joke that you are either going to hate the game of baseball, or you are going to love it... one or the other and nothing in between. So this is where I tell you how many games you have been to in your first year of life (yes, I have kept perfect track) So, including two Giants games, your Uncle Michael's games, friends games, and MOSTLY your daddy's games (not including games I was pregnant with you)... you have been to 36 baseball games. THIRTY-SIX GAMES!!!! for most of those games you have stayed the whole nine innings too. Thats 324 innings of baseball before you turned one, I dont think most babies can say that.
By the end of the season, I swear you were intently watching the game, clapping when everyone else was (even if you were cheering for the wrong team) and dancing to the music between innings. Everyone at the UCR games called you the mascot, and that you were. So I guess this is where I say "thank you.".... thank you little one, for being such a trooper at all those games. Thank you for letting other people hold you and for letting them pass you around while I got to watch daddy play. Thank you for letting me bundle you up in silly outfits. Thank you for sticking it out in unfavorable weather conditions. and THANK YOU... for never letting me show up at a game by myself :)
By next season you will be running all over the place and the UCR fans and I joked that we will be watching you in shifts while we chase you around. But I wont mind, cause it wont be a game without the mascot.
20 days until you are 1.
Love you, Mama