trusting.

Good evening bloggers.

After a productive day at home I was looking to sitting down to do a blog post tonight.

Its been an eventful week so far. Our poor little babe has a nasty cold, which kept us from going to Gavins game last night (which I am secretly kind of happy about because I heard it was FREEZING).
So Kaley, Kenley and I snuggled on the couch with girl scout cookies and listened to the game on my computer. It was funny because there was about a two second delay of what we were hearing from the announcer... so we would hear the crowd cheer and THEN find out what had happened. (yes, we live THAT close to the field.) And when I heard that Gavin was going in to pitch I was tempted to run across the street real quick!

Right now Gavin is packing up to leave for Texas in the morning... although it wont require much packing as he never unpacked from being in Arizona last weekend. Im ready to be husband-less again for the weekend! At least last weekend I was in San Diego with my mom and brother (which was a BLAST by the way.)
This weekend it will just be Kenley and I. We have a few plans for the weekend and a baby shower on Sunday. The baby shower is for my friend Cherith that I met down here shortly after we moved to Riverside and had to go and move to Oregon on me! She really was my favorite mom friend down here and I was so bummed when she moved. Her good friend Amber (who doesnt have kids but I have continued to be friends with) is throwing her a shower in Redlands on Sunday. I am excited to see everyone and Kenley is excited to see Cheriths daughter Brooklynn who is exactly one month younger than Kenley. Cherith is having a little boy this time around and I have a feeling is going to give me baby fever. I am obsessed with the boy stuff at Kissui right now so I cant wait to spoil him :)

Part of the reason I needed to do a post tonight was to update everyone after the doctors appointment I had on Friday. I saw Dr. Riley again to follow up after my third round of blood tests. Everything came back in the "higher range of normal" this time, which is good enough for me. He suggested that I follow up with Dr. Sawyer and "stay away from doctors for a while." He called my DHEA the higher range of normal meaning that it will be something that they will monitor throughout my life and keep an eye on as I get older. I was thankful for this news and appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers.

So with that behind us for the time being I have something else that I am requiring prayers for... and that is for one of my very best friends at home, Chelsey. With her permission of course, I am asking that everyone really be praying for her. Chelsey and I have been best friends since the 5th grade. We went to one of the private K-8th schools together in Napa and then parted ways when we went to opposite public high schools, her at Vintage High and myself at Napa High. As high school progressed and we became busy with sports, friends, boys etc and not being at the same high school we started to drift apart slowly. Looking back on it, I never thought of it that way but we definitely werent as close as we have been in the last couple of years. Even in college I always knew that no matter how frequently we talked she would always be one of my very best friends and had always been there for me.
When Chelsey found out that I was pregnant, she was so quick to be extremly supportive and has been AMAZING with Kenley ever since. She threw me the most amazing baby shower and has spoiled Kenley since the day she was born. (remember the giraffe outfit??... ya, that was Chels)
Generous is the word I think of when it comes to Chelsey. Generous, along with beautiful, humble and talented. She has one of those natural, capture-the-attention-of-the-room beauties. She is humble in that she would never tell you that by the age of 24 she had opened her own salon, while coaching the girls JV basketball team at Vintage High... not to mention her job as a waitress that she has had since high school. Despite how many things she has her hand in, she is talented at each and every one and is always so professional.
Last week my Chelsey found out that she has a rare cervical cancer that is usually found in women over the age of 65. Adnocarcinoma is the name they have given it. She was already in surgery less than a week after finding out and is awaiting more extensive results after a biopsy done during the procedure. Please help me by praying for positive results from this biopsy and a swift healing after the surgery she has already had.
The times that I have talked to Chels since all of this she has kept such mature, positive perspective on everything... and the best way I know how to describe it is "reasonable." She understands the seriousness, yet has kept an open mind and is taking all the right precautions.
Until recently, I didnt know what it was like to have your health in question... almost like nothing feels quite right when you dont. So I pray that God has His hand on Chelsey through all of this and gives her the peace that only comes through knowing and trusting Him.
I love you so much Chelsey!! I wish more than anything I could be at home with you, snuggled up watching our favorite show Cougartown and eating ice cream. Please know that there are so many people loving you and thinking of you every moment.

recreating a picture from 8th grade graduation

The Adventures of Kenley and June

I am currently trying to keep my mind busy while I close in on the last hour or so of my fast that I am supposed to be doing for a blood test at 2:30. I havent eaten since 8pm last night and I am starving, light headed and weak. Something I forgot to mention in my previous posts was how low my blood pressure has been in the past couple of visits to the doctor. The doctor attributed it to over-exercise and possibly all of the blood I have lost in the past 18 months. So I am giving myself a little of a break this week and definitely not working out today as I can barely lift my fingers to type.
Today they will be testing my 3 testosterone hormones, the DHEA (for a third time) and my insulin levels (hence the fast). I see Dr. Riley again on Friday to go over the results of the lab work and then we will go from there. My mom and brother will be here Friday so I am trying to look forward to that instead :)
Gavins family left this morning. We had such a fun weekend... watched lots of baseball, ate good food and crafted our lives away yesterday.
I am so excited to show what the products of our craft day were!

MEET JUNE!

I have wanted a cloth doll for Kenley for months! (ever since I saw a similar one on Etsy) She is totally into babies right now and always goes straight for her friend Mae's baby dolls whenever she is at her house!
Of course the seller on Etsy wanted for $50 for it... Patty and I were determined to make one on our own.
June (named for the month that Kenley was born)... is made entirely from scraps of quilting fabric that Patty picked up at an estate sale.

The lace on her "tush" are scraps from Patty's Grandmothers sewing collection. Patty, like myself, is a lover of all things old and vintage...and is actually starting an antique warehouse with a couple of her friends in which they are renting out corners of space to vendors to sell their vintage finds and hand-made creations. It should be up and running in March. She brought pictures and it is in the awesome building right in the heart of Cloverdale. I cant WAIT to see it.

Anyway we worked all day on June and her friend "Chloe Cumulus".... (if you dont get the name, "cumulus" is a type of cloud)

Kenley already has been carrying the two of them around and tucks baby June into her "bed" that Grandma Patty brought (also an estate sale find.)

My plan is to take pictures of Kenley with June throughout her childhood and make a hard-bound book. "The Adventures of Kenley and June"...

There are lots of baby dolls out there but Kenley needed the perfect one :)

...and in the mean time Grandma Patty is going to making "outfits" for June and possibly one to match an outfit of Kenley's.

Thank you Grandma Patty for making our vision come to life xoxo

in with the old... in with the new

Just wanted to do a quick post and wish the Highlanders good luck this season. Baseball season makes for a crazy time in the Mills household but we do love it.

Gavins family is making their way down hwy 5 as we speak to make it here for the first game of the double header vs BYU.  So excited to have them here for the weekend!

I also have been meaning to share this picture....

This was probably my favorite image that came out of our shoot with Caitlin. This dress that Kenley is wearing started as a plain white dress from Old Navy that my mom embelished with little pink knots on the top and sewed an old tea towel of my great-grandmothers on the front to look like an apron. We saw a similar dress in a boutique in St. Helena but had to try and re-create it ourselves for about one fifteenth of the cost! I love using old things to create new ones... and the fact that Kenley is wearing an heirloom from her GREAT great grandmother!

some people read books, I read blogs.

I dont always have time to read the blogs I follow but when I do I think of it as the time that most people would spend reading a book.

I came across my favorite blog shortly after I had Kenley and have found my other favorites as a result of reading "Dear Baby."

Usually after a night of reading, I get inspired to stay up on mine better.

Something that all of these blogs have in common is that they are all ran by young moms such as myself. Most of them are on the eco-friendly, crunchy, hippy side... such as myself.

Here are my top five:

1.  Dear Baby
2. Oh Dear Drea
3. boho baby bump
4. my little loves
5. Baby Makes Two

check em out :)

"you're still very loveable" - bon iver

Im cuddled up in sweats after a long morning and afternoon at work. Kenley and I got soaked from head to toe as we were leaving work! Loving the rain :)

I figured I probably shouldnt do a post like the last one without giving an update.

First I just want to thank everyone for all of the love and support from a distance. I keep saying the hardest part has been not having anyone down here but as I expected, my friends and family have been amazing and Im not sure I could feel anymore love than I do already! Thank you everyone for all of your words of positivity and encouragement.

As I mentioned in my last post, I had my appointment with the endocrinologist on Friday. I think it went as well as it could have. I was extremly nervous and anxious as you can imagine. Gavin ended up flying home the morning of my appointment for his test so he was not able to come. He was really dissapointed that his flight ended up being so early but it was $100 cheaper for him to fly out of LAX instead of the Ontario airport by us. So Kenley and I dropped him off Friday morning and picked up Sarah on our way home... it ended up being perfect timing. The three of us got back here and took a much needed nap and then my friend Kaley ended up going to my appointment with me while Sarah watched Kenley (and got to spend some quality time with her Goddaughter).

I ended up seeing the doctor an entire hour later than my appointment was scheduled for which I guess was expected but just made the anxiety build.
The nurse came in with my file shortly before the doctor did and right away I asked to see the results of my lab work that I had done four days before that got directly sent to them.
I was shocked to see that my DHEA levels had dropped 127 points in two weeks. (from 327 to 200)
The nurse stated that she had never seen a drop that drastic before... which worried me obviously.
When the doctor came in, it didnt seem to shock him or worry him quite as much.
"Yes, 327 is high... but that could be for lots of reasons."
Then we talked about possible reasons and what to do from here.
He called varying hormonal results "noise in the system"... meaning that we could take a look at my hormone levels every week and they would always be different. but did state that a 127 point drop was more than "noise in the system."....Which is why we are going to do one more week of blood tests and go from there. I follow up with Dr.Riley  on February 24th and my mom will be in town to go with me since Gavin will be in Arizona playing at ASU for the weekend.
He did suggest that I could have a mild version of PCOS (polysystic ovarian syndrome) which you can read about here.
Ovarian cysts are common and almost always pass on their own.
Dr. Riley was also very attentive and let me ask lots of questions about the PCOS and anything else I was wanting to know more about. Its always refreshing to meet with a doctor that you feel like that actually cares! He did say that he would be surprised if there was a tumor on an adrenal gland because the levels would have stayed high instead of an immense drop. WHAT A RELIEF!! I would have to say that was my biggest worry. With all of that said, I am interested as to what my blood work will look like next week. I promise to keep everyone posted on this as well.
The rest of the weekend was great and I was ready to unwind a little. After my appointment my brother watched Kenley so that Sarah, Kaley and I could go grab a beer and see a movie. We went to BJs so I could get my favorite "BJs Brewhouse Blonde Ale" and then went to see "The Vow." It was the best movie I have seen in a long time. I have been SOOOO dissapointed with recent movies I have seen. Old movies are just so much better and thats actually what The Vow reminded me of!
On Saturday Sarah and I stopped by Gavins alumni game (which Gavin wasnt playing in obviously since he wasnt there haha) but I had to stop by and see everyone real quick and drop off Kenley's Valentines :)
I was especially happy to see Lori Carrico (aka Mama Lori) who is Dustins (my brother husbands) mom! It was weird to have her sitting on the alumni side this year. I am going to miss having her at games this season. She always seems to know how to put a smile on my face and is ALWAYS so encouraging. She has shown us so much support since we have gotten to know her. Gavin and I became very close to Dustin (her son) almost immediately when we moved down here. He was Gavins closest friend on the team and he was always over here. The biggest testimony to the kind of friend Dustin is was the fact that he babysat Kenley the day that he got drafted by the Mets (yes the New York Mets) so that I could get out of the house and go play golf for my birthday. I absolutely love the two of them. I make sure to tell Lori every time I see her how much we love Dustin and what a good job she did raising that kid! And in return... she has for me words of advice, patience and gratitude. I dont know if she realizes the kind of impact she has had on me but I know she reads my blog so maybe now she will know. Thank you Mama Lori. xoxo
The rest of Saturday Sarah and I spent at the mall. I hadnt shopped in forever but had no money so I guess it wasnt really shopping. I should probably just stay out of the mall all together because I just get angry haha! hmmm... I could really use new running shoes..... or these nude wedges.... or....
just stop Jess!! there will always be something you could "use." However I did get a cute $14 shirt that I wore to work on Valentines day :)
Sunday morning we woke up real early again to pick up Gavin from the airport in LA. After we picked him up we visited a very quiet Rodeo drive. I was determined to find some celebrities but all we ended up seeing was the outside of the hotel that Whitney Houston died in on Saturday.... which was pretty cool actually. There were news crews eveywhere.
They were also gearing up for the Grammys over at the Staples Center so it was a busy day for the city of Los Angeles. Still not sure how I feel about that place.
Of course Sarah and I had to watch the Grammys. More like she fell asleep on the couch watching it and I caught bits and pieces while I worked on Valentines cookies for the Kissui babies :)
(Yep, I made the cake batter ones from my previous post! They turned out amazing.)
My favorite part of the Grammys is always the fashion. I love seeing all the dresses. My favorite part of the Grammys THIS year was the fact that my favorite new artist won, well, best new artist!
If you dont know Bon Iver (pronounced Bon EE-VEER) please get to know him! His sleepy sounds and lyrics are a bedtime go-to for Kenley and I right now.

Looking forward to my in-laws being here this weekend. Gavins team is hosting a home series vs BYU so it should be a fun weekend at the ball feild. cant believe season is here already...but so glad it is.

love links

I had to share some quick links on adorable Valentine's Day treats.

THESE kid-friendly treats are a must-do!

And lets be honest.... Im not baking this cake but, boy is it pretty.

I HAVE made these before... and might have to bust out this recipe again... so easy and delicious.

what can I say... I LOVE love....

i love mamas

I stumbled upon this blog tonight.

what a cool mom. we come in all kinds.

february in a flash

I must mean business if I just unplugged my lap top, removed it from my work desk and sat down on the couch. This usually means I am blogging. and for the record... I tried FIVE seperate times to upload the video of Kenley and her "Quiet Book." in my previous post .... my computer obviously had other plans. Ill try and post some pics later.

When talking to a fellow blogger friend yesterday ;) I mentioned that I enjoyed reading her blog so much but totally have neglected my own. Her response was something along the lines of "two jobs and a toddler... blogging is probably the last thing you have time for." I never really think of it this way, since I make time to do other leisurely things but its true... it has not been a priority. Needless to say, everytime I sit down to think about what I should or could blog about lately, my mind goes to one place that I wasnt sure I wanted to share.... but I could use the support and my friends and family are really very good at that.

I guess I debated on making it public knowledge that I have some health concerns going on because
a) I dont know enough about it yet
b) I dont want anyone to worry
c) I havent really liked talking about it

Having said that... let me elaborate.

When we were home for Christmas, I had my IUD removed... for serveral reasons that I wont get into but lets just say that it was not working for me... both physically and emotionally. I ENVY anyone that the Mirena IUD works for... it was so convenient and on paper, basically perfect. However, it drove me insane for 18 months straight and I felt like I had given it a fair chance.

When I had it removed I think I expected immediate relief. Not only did that not happen but my symptoms worsened. I decided to try and find an OB/GYN down here.

Through one of Gavin's teammate's moms (who works for this doctor's office in Loma Linda, fairly close to us) I was able to find a great doctor who has been VERY thorough with me. I discussed my medical history with her in great detail and was able to express some of my concerns. She was attentive and helpful immediately. She ordered several blood tests to check my thyroid and other contributing hormones.

So I have to say I was not surprised when I got a phone call a couple of days later to find out that one of my tests had come back abnormally. I was told to come back and see Dr. Sawyer before she left for vacation later in the week. I ended up coming in the very next day to find out that my levels for the hormone DHEA were high. (normal range being 40-300 and mine was 327).

Terms from Anatomy 101 started swirling in my head... I remembered DHEA but wasnt sure what this could mean. DHEA is a hormone that your adrenal glands produce. The adrenals sit on top of each kidney and when the level of this hormone is as high as mine is, it can mean that there is a tumor on one of the glands.

You can imagine how the room starts to spin and your whole body tenses as the words "adrenal tumor" gets thrown out there. BUT!! it could mean something else, which is why I am seeing an expert on the subject.

Dr. Sawyer reffered me to an Endocrinologist named Dr. Michael Riley in Riverside that I am seeing this Friday. I am very anxious to find out more but have done my best to keep doing everything as normally as possible. I dont want to give myself a reason to worry until I really need one.

One of my best friends Sarah (Kenley's Godmother) is coming down to hang with Kenley on the day of the appointment and be with me while Gavin is gone for the weekend. I hadnt even finished explaining everything to her on the phone before she said she was looking at flights to come down.

Gavin is actually going home this weekend for the written exam portion of the California Fish and Game Academy in Sacramento. The application process takes an entire year and if all goes according to plan, he will be starting the academy to become a "game warden." If you dont know what this is, its very similar to a Sheriff only they enforce hunting and fishing laws. Gavin has really been pursing this and has made it possible to be done with school by then. He is working SO hard.

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that Gavin would be taking 20 units during baseball season.
Well... we are in the thick of it. I knew it was going to be hard but WOW. Gavin is beyond busy. Kenley and I barely see him and when we do I feel like all I do is ask for help, because frankly, I need it!

As you can tell we have a lot on our plates. Its been important for me to just take things one day at a time and deal with whatever is going on the moment. I have to be honest though... we are so close to being done here and I have never been so close to throwing in the towel. Its been a lot to deal with at once and I could use some help. Im not giving up though and try to keep in mind how worth it this will all be... HOPEFULLY very soon.

AND  on a much lighter note...Im so excited for baseball season to be here. As busy as it makes Gavin, I absolutely love going to his games. This weekend we had the seasoner opener family BBQ. It was so much fun. Its such an awesome team and they all come from amazing families. They all love Kenley and are so cute with her. If you saw the picture of her wearing a pink backpack on instagram, that was given to her Saturday by one of the moms and it was filled with new books, snacks and CANDY :) At the games I tend to get a little bit of a break as everyone passes her around. Although this year they will be CHASING her around.

The weekend before last we spent in Balboa (right by Huntington Beach) with my friend of 20 years Caitlin and her boyfriend. I shouldnt say we spent the weekend because really it was just late Saturday evening that we got in and had to leave sunday morning (which was not long enough at ALL) so Gavin could get to baseball and work. Right when we got there Caitlin and Alex had a delicious dinner prepared and then we took a 75 cent ferry ride to Balboa Island where we got what is called a "Balboa Bar".... basically deliciousness on a stick. Caitlin and I woke up a FIVE the next morning to take a run on the beach. I really cant think of anything more relaxing. We then got ready and Cait did a morning family beach shoot of us before we took off. For Christmas Caitlin gave me a certificate that said she would FRAME a family portrait of us... which is so so so generous of her. I cant wait to see it because the pictures turned out awesome. She is so unbelievably talented and I love showing off her work.

As for the little lady in the middle of the picture... I dont know what to say. She could probably tell you how she is doing herself! She is talking up a storm. I can pretty much get her to repeat anything but the words she comes up with on her own are the best. A personal favorite right now is "Oh boy!"

She is pooping on the toilet twice a day but is still wearing a diaper a night while we get the pee situation down. Yes, I know its early but this is not anything we forced. Cloth diapered babies almost always potty train quicker because of the fact that they have always felt when they are wet. She tells us "poo poo!!" and off to her little potty we go.

She is still a trooper on days I bring her to work and I love having her there.

I know everyone says they grow up fast but I swear Kenley is defying the aging process. I blink and she has a new word, a new idea, a new dance. I love her creativity and bottle up a little for myself every night as I rock her to sleep.

Things Im looking forward to: Sarah this weekend, Gavins family the next weekend and spending the weekend in San Diego with my family the following weekend while Gavin is in Arizona.

Well... maybe if I blogged more, my posts wouldnt be mistaken for epic novels.

I will do my best to keep everyone posted on... well... everything!

Jess