the shack that built me

we often refer to our little home down here in ol' Riverside as "the shack".... in reality thats pretty much what it is. Its not an apartment, its not a house, its not a condo...

what use to be a group of old army baracks now stands as the ONLY family housing complex at any UC in California. This complex consists of every race, religion & class you can think of. We have made Chinese friends, Indian, TURKISH, black, white... you name it.... most of which we have very little in common with.

In this heat, everyone makes their way to the park right in the middle of the complex just as the sun is setting. For most, this is a time of relief... because by this point, our "shacks" are about 20 degrees hotter inside than it is outside (this is no exaggeration). Most of us stand around and chat while the kiddos entertain themselves and burn off some energy. Ive gotten to know so many people's "stories."
 and its still amazing to me that almost everyone is so different.

I will miss the community that this complex has provided, even if it wasnt exactly what I pictured. If it was what I had pictured I would have made lots of friends my age, with the same interests and dare I say, undergrad?? We were one of FEW families within the complex that were in the undergrad progam (the rest of which were in pursuit of their PhD). One thing that everyone that we met in here DID have in common is that was that they were all very intelligent
.... But what fun would have that been.. hanging out with someone exactly like me?

But with all of that said I would have to say that the real change in me took place within the four walls of this little place. I coulnt help but reference Miranda Lamberts song "The House that Built me" for the title of this post. If you arent familiar with the song, it basically speaks to the fact that the first house that she lived in shaped the rest of her life. I would have to say the same for our shack.

I have learned so much about myself here. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about how much EASIER it would have been to just stay closer to home, both get jobs or have Gavin finish school somewhere much closer. BUT then I think about all of the opportunities this has presented, all the AMAZING people we have become friends with and I know we will be friends with for a lifetime, and all of the lessons about parenting and marriage that I got to learn on my OWN. I know for a fact I wouldnt have made some of the decisions that I did had I had the imput of all my family and friends at home. Some decisions worked out and some didnt, but I get to take credit for each of them.

 Maybe I am able to say this because we leave in three days, but I am so grateful for our time down here. Some of you know the personal details of our lowest of low points down here and can imagine how hard it is for me to truly express a general positivity about our time down here. But its true, these past two years have been so good for me, so good for Gavin and I and for our family as a whole, and not just from the standpoint of Gavin getting his degree. We needed this time to grow.... all-on-our-own.

As I type the words "these past two years" Im baffled. I remember bringing three month old Kenley through the front door for the first time, trying to imagine what two year old Kenley would be like when we were done here. It felt so far away.

But it is here.... and I dont feel one bit of hesitance when I say that I am so proud of what we have accomplished.  

To those of you that have read along and been part of our adventure... I thank you.

This blog has been my thoughts...no direction, just laying it out there. Its therapeutic. Refreshing. Like an evening at the park in Canyon Crest family housing after a hot day. I guess thats all we need, really...just to voice our thoughts, helps us make sense of them... get a grasp on what we are feeling.


The "goodbyes" of this past week have been REALLY hard... and less for me, and more so watching people say goodbye to Kenley. I will most likely be the same version of myself by the next time we visit our friends down here, but Kenley will be completely different.... which is why I PROMISE to keep up with this blog as much as I possibly can while Im in school. I have to imagine that our first weeks up north are going to be a little crazy but know that I am missing and thinking about each of you and will do a post when the moment presents itself.

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!