the shack that built me

we often refer to our little home down here in ol' Riverside as "the shack".... in reality thats pretty much what it is. Its not an apartment, its not a house, its not a condo...

what use to be a group of old army baracks now stands as the ONLY family housing complex at any UC in California. This complex consists of every race, religion & class you can think of. We have made Chinese friends, Indian, TURKISH, black, white... you name it.... most of which we have very little in common with.

In this heat, everyone makes their way to the park right in the middle of the complex just as the sun is setting. For most, this is a time of relief... because by this point, our "shacks" are about 20 degrees hotter inside than it is outside (this is no exaggeration). Most of us stand around and chat while the kiddos entertain themselves and burn off some energy. Ive gotten to know so many people's "stories."
 and its still amazing to me that almost everyone is so different.

I will miss the community that this complex has provided, even if it wasnt exactly what I pictured. If it was what I had pictured I would have made lots of friends my age, with the same interests and dare I say, undergrad?? We were one of FEW families within the complex that were in the undergrad progam (the rest of which were in pursuit of their PhD). One thing that everyone that we met in here DID have in common is that was that they were all very intelligent
.... But what fun would have that been.. hanging out with someone exactly like me?

But with all of that said I would have to say that the real change in me took place within the four walls of this little place. I coulnt help but reference Miranda Lamberts song "The House that Built me" for the title of this post. If you arent familiar with the song, it basically speaks to the fact that the first house that she lived in shaped the rest of her life. I would have to say the same for our shack.

I have learned so much about myself here. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about how much EASIER it would have been to just stay closer to home, both get jobs or have Gavin finish school somewhere much closer. BUT then I think about all of the opportunities this has presented, all the AMAZING people we have become friends with and I know we will be friends with for a lifetime, and all of the lessons about parenting and marriage that I got to learn on my OWN. I know for a fact I wouldnt have made some of the decisions that I did had I had the imput of all my family and friends at home. Some decisions worked out and some didnt, but I get to take credit for each of them.

 Maybe I am able to say this because we leave in three days, but I am so grateful for our time down here. Some of you know the personal details of our lowest of low points down here and can imagine how hard it is for me to truly express a general positivity about our time down here. But its true, these past two years have been so good for me, so good for Gavin and I and for our family as a whole, and not just from the standpoint of Gavin getting his degree. We needed this time to grow.... all-on-our-own.

As I type the words "these past two years" Im baffled. I remember bringing three month old Kenley through the front door for the first time, trying to imagine what two year old Kenley would be like when we were done here. It felt so far away.

But it is here.... and I dont feel one bit of hesitance when I say that I am so proud of what we have accomplished.  

To those of you that have read along and been part of our adventure... I thank you.

This blog has been my thoughts...no direction, just laying it out there. Its therapeutic. Refreshing. Like an evening at the park in Canyon Crest family housing after a hot day. I guess thats all we need, really...just to voice our thoughts, helps us make sense of them... get a grasp on what we are feeling.


The "goodbyes" of this past week have been REALLY hard... and less for me, and more so watching people say goodbye to Kenley. I will most likely be the same version of myself by the next time we visit our friends down here, but Kenley will be completely different.... which is why I PROMISE to keep up with this blog as much as I possibly can while Im in school. I have to imagine that our first weeks up north are going to be a little crazy but know that I am missing and thinking about each of you and will do a post when the moment presents itself.

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!

updates and countdowns

I find myself with a little extra time this afternoon to do a post while Kenley and I sit on the porch, locked out until Gavin gets home from work.
... well that's not entirely true, I could get in the house if I really needed to, but he will be home any minute and Kenley is sound asleep next to me in her stroller.
We had the best day.
We left the house around 9:30 to catch the bus at University Village (about a mile away) and rode it all the way downtown to make it to the farmers market.
I originally wanted to go since I was in dire need of some raw local honey for my allergies (which totally helps by the way).
seems like such a simple thing, but have you ever read a public transit schedule? may be not as easy as it sounds! ...... so basically if anyone needs to know the Riverside bus schedule Im your gal.... which I realize is a really valuable skill to have.
There is definitely an eclectic crowd that rides the bus and some were very interested in what Kenley and I were up to, yet all completely harmless.
It was a fun little adventure while Gavin was at work and we were car-less.

And I got all my local yummies for under $10! (figs, tomatoes and honey)

Totally unrelated I have some good news....

the most important being that on Thursday we found out that Kenley has been accepted to the preschool at SSU! I guess all I needed to do was to a blog post saying how worries about it I was.
I am so beyond excited about this. Like I said, so much depended on whether or not she got in and now I feel like we can move forward with the rest of our plans.

In other news it seems we may FINALLY have Kenleys rash under control. I am summarizing to a fault when I say that I am beyond frustrated with how THREE different pediatricians handled this situation with her. After four visits in two weeks (the most recent one being yesterday) we were finally given the prescription she needs and they are finally giving it a name....
Kenley has a secondary (meaning as a cause of something else, and in Kenleys case was a diaper rash) superficial (meaning close to the very top most surface of her skin) staph infection. So if you didnt catch that it's a "secondary superficial staph infection".... which my mother instincts told me all along and I can't BELIEVE took this long to diagnose.
After tracking down $100 worth of prescriptions (which she is taking FOUR times a day) she is finally looking a little better today.
I feel so bad this has taken so long to be taken care of. Poor Kenley... If you have seen pictures of what she is going through you can imagine just how painful and annoying this must be for her, yet she barely has complained about it.
We are hoping for a quick recovery and hopefully no scarring.
This has truly been one of the most frustrating things I've ever gone through and I'm so glad my mom will be here in two weeks for her follow up appointment. She is just as ready to give these doctors a piece of her mind as well.

I realize everyone makes mistakes but it's hard to have much compassion when they've seen this rash not change much in several months and refused to call it anything until yesterday.

here's to a quick recovery!


we are ending today with a birthday party for one of our newest little friends in family housing named August. He, his little sister Nola and parents Ashley and Truman just moved here from New Orleans. Every time Gavin and I have seen them in the past couple of weeks we end up saying to each other, "of COURSE we would meet them right before we move..." They really are some of the best people we have met in family housing... not to mention just a stunningly beautiful family.

It really is funny how even in the past month we has become closer friends with people we have known here and even formed new friendships. It really just does go to show that it takes a while to grow your roots somewhere and get settled.

.....

WE MOVE TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!

Addie

this is the first post from my iPhone! So far the blogger app seems to work pretty well but I'll definitely be double checking this on my laptop after :)
Being able to do a quick post from my phone I'm hoping will come in handy.
I know I say that I started this blog as a way to keep everyone at home in the loop during our adventure in so cal but I'm blessed enough to say that we have met a handful of amazing people down here as well that I know have been reading along too.
I plan on keeping this going as a way to keep track of Kenley and her many milestones. I know this will be so fun to look back on.
As we close in on our final weeks down here I can't help but think about how much a will miss our little shack. As much as I have probably complained about it, it was our first home together and where Kenley went from baby to toddler. It will always have a special place in my heart because of that.
Every day I've done my best to pack up one closet or room or space... Just so it isn't as crazy at the end.
I'm coming across so many odds and ends.... And I do have to say it feels so good to get rid of some of this stuff. One of the great parts about moving!
I also have to say that one of the things I am looking forward to the most about moving home is spending time with my beautiful Goddaughter Addie. When her mom (my friend Molly) asked me to be her Godmother, it was one of the biggest honors I have ever been given. In some ways I feel like I have let them both down by being down here and not being able to stay in touch as well as I would have liked. As a single mother, I know Molly understands better than anyone what life has been like down here and will hopefully cut me some slack :)
But I honestly can't wait to see Addie and Kenley interact and become friends. The two of them remind me so much of each other!!
Anyway... the countdown is on and there is so much to look forward to.
I need to be granted some serious patience to make it through these next few weeks...
Just 18 more days.

little dandelions

things have been quiet on the blog and the opposite at 3329 Idaho St.

the weekend was spent with best friends, food, swimming, shopping...

I was almost as sad to watch Tiff and Jeff leave as Kenley was. She was asking for them all day. Simply put, they are two of the best people with her. Tiffanie is always SO patient with her.... yet firm but not enough to offend me. She is so energetic with Kenley and having her here felt like a nice break. Tiff is going to make an amaaaazing mother one day. I feel like her and Kenley will always have a special bond since she was there for her birth :)
To be totally candid, Kenley has been a challenge the past couple weeks so I was more than willing to hand her over for a couple hours. She has an unexplained rash that we have been to the doctor a couple times for now that starts in the diaper area and goes up her back and stomach, we took several trips to the dentist after her spill (but her teeth are looking a million times better by the way), she REFUSES her own bed, we are taking the potty training to the next level (night-time and outside the house) and have cut her off from her binky cold-turkey.... and this is all within the past two  weeks. Gavin worked full time last week and this week with baseball camps (9am-4pm) and then Monday and Wednesday he goes to class until 9pm. Saturday and Sunday he is still working at the golf course all day.... we have barely seen one another and its been Kenley and I..... 24/7. Days I have worked she has come with me which to be honest is completely exhausting and definitley wouldnt be able to do much longer if we werent moving.... and  is something that I have tried to keep in mind regarding the sleep situation. The move is going to totally mess with her sleep anyway until she gets her bearings so I refuse to fight her on it until we are settled.... one thing at a time.
However you won't hear me refer to this time as the "terrible two's"... nor will I agree if you do. It's not terrible and all stresses aside, she has been SO much fun. It is so strange yet amazing to basically have a full on conversation with her! She is saying the funniest things and Im trying to be really good about writing them down. Like I said, she was asking for Jeff and Tiffanie all day. We were laying in bed trying to get her to take a nap this afternoon before work when she said....
"Where's Tiff-fee-fee?"
me: "She's at work, at home in Napa"
Kenley: "Jeff?"
me: "yep, he's at home in Napa too... do you miss them?"
Kenley:"mmmmhmmm.... Papa??... Grammy??... Stevie??"
me: "they are all in Napa too... Grammy and Papa are at work and Stevie is probably playing golf."
Kenley: :::::huge smile::::: "steeeevieeee"
(She LOVES her uncle Stephen)

The best thing she has said so far was her telling Gavin to "Kenley's daddy!....watch the show!" while I was doing my Kettle Bell workout early one morning last week and Gavin was bugging her by acting like he was falling asleep on her shoulder.

my other favorite thing she is doing is she will randomly (especially in the car)  call out "pray???.... pray????"..... and then will fold her little hands, close her eyes and wait for me to pray and then yell out a big "AYYY-MEN!" when Im done.

I hope I'm not making it seem like being at home with her is a chore :::yikes::: totally not my intention and there is nowhere else I would rather be. Staying at home with her for these first two years has been the biggest privilege. It has also given me such a genuine appreciation for single parents. In some ways, while Gavin has been a full-time student, working part time and playing a Division 1 sport... its what I have been. I will never apologize for the pride that I feel taking all of this one without my loved ones within 500 miles. I make no mistakes when I say that it has been SO.HARD. but I also dont want that to be heard as "poor me." I feel like there is a big difference... dont you?

With that said.... my days as a stay-at-home mom are numbered... at least with this baby!

Presently, if Im not at work or keeping Kenley from putting playdough in the toilet you will find me glued to my cell phone... waiting for a VERY important phone call. According to my records (and numerous attempts to check on our status) we should be hearing from the Sonoma State Children's school ANY day now to find out whether or not Kenley has been accepted (the only issue being that they may not have room for her)

Their "What's Happening Now" portion of their website reads:

Dear (Name of Representative),
I strongly oppose Governor Brown’s budget proposal for 2012-13 and the severe cuts to early education and care that may destroy high quality early education programs.
I fear the planned cuts in early childhood education will be a severe detriment not only for the youngest and most promising of your constituents, but also for the long term viability of this economy.
Perhaps the worst part of the proposal eliminates higher education as an eligibility factor for student families who are trying to achieve a degree while having their child in an excellent early education setting. This support for families pursuing higher education is especially important to ensure that as families enter the California workforce, they are in careers that will allow them to support their families.
For every dollar invested in early education and care programs, the economy sees a return of four. By giving children the education they deserve and cutting from elsewhere in the budget, you maximize every possibility that this state-and everyone in it-prospers.
Children thrive in early education schools in ways we are still counting. My child currently attends the Children’s School at Sonoma State University. The school, which is nationally accredited by NAEYC, provides high quality care for my child, allowing me to ___________. Without this program, my family would ____. I have seen firsthand the eagerness and love children have for learning. They are the future, and right now I must be their voice. I implore you to remove these planned cuts for the sake of our children.
Sincerely,

(Your Name)
Your Address (where you are registered to vote)





...... scary right????

I was given fair warning when we applied what the "state of the state" was. Realistically, programs all over the state just like this one are being completely cut, thus greatly lowering Kenley's chances of getting in.
And sooo many important factors hinge on whether or not she is accepted. (... where we will live, what, where and when Gavin will work, whether or not my mom will need to adjust her work schedule... the list goes on....)

I really feel Kenley is ready to be in an educational setting three days a week for 5 hours. I feel it is the perfect amount of time and know she would thrive so much being around other children her age. The school is ADORABLE, with a little garden, wooden play structure and conviently located right in the heart of campus. I met several of the teachers when we popped in the last time I was on campus getting my classes... they all seem great. (very "granola state" haha)

If she is infact accepted she will be in the "Dandelion" class... 2-3 yr olds, which is the middle age group as far as the spectrum of  little "students." She would make the cutest dandelion IVE ever seen :)

As I try and take most of this on myself I have a valued reassurance. Some of this is totally out of my hands, and as far as I know, Ive done all that I can at the end of the day to try and make this happen. In the past three years I have watched myself make plans and have had God turn them into something so much bigger and greater than I could have ever imagined. So I push forward with a vision of my diploma in one hand and my sweet girl in the other and give the rest to Him.