All the windows in the front room of our little house are wide open. The crickets outside are very lively tonight. There is a sleeping baby down the hall who smells like Burt's Bees "Baby Bee" and is fresh out of the bath tub. Its a perfect 75 degrees and the moon is out.
Im waiting for Gavin to get home from the baseball showcase he is working tonight. Kenley and I walked down to the feild to see what the boys were up to and the second she saw him out on the field she was pointing and yelling "DADA!!"... no doubt he was loving it.
It was last night that I sat here realizing just HOW blessed this little family really is. We have met SO many fantastic people down here and still have so many that we love back home. We finally have a church that is a great fit for us. I have one job that I get to do from the comfort of my living room while Kenley sleeps and the other one she gets to come with me to! Tomorrow Gavin and I will be celebrating our first year of marriage and NEXT weekend Kenley will be thrown yet another birhtday party by Gavins teammates and their families. My mom is able to fly down for it and the following week my beautiful Goddaughter and her mom Molly are coming to visit. Those things alone are enough to make me wonder what I did to deserve it all! God is so good and has continually reminded us just how BLESSED we truly are. I know I use that word a lot but what else do you call getting handed all of this???? I know its not just luck.
The highlight of my day today was coming home from work and checking the mail. I hadnt checked it in a while so there was A LOT of randomness in there along with some bills but amoungst it all, I found a "thank you" note and a "happy anniversary" card... both from Gavins teammate Eddie and his girlfriend Kaley who we had over for dinner this week. SOOO sweet.
Just feeling very loved, optomistic and grateful after today and thought I would share.
Jess
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
she's back!
Good Morning!
Its been far too long, yet seems like I did my last post yesterday! This little family has been BUSY... so thanks for bearing with me.
To catch you up, we are back in Riverside after a nice long (ten day) vacation "home." Let me tell you, after a trip like that it was not easy to come back down here. I was dreading leaving! but... it does feel good to be back, in our own space. It was by far the busiest trip we have taken home and was the most fun we have had in a lonnnngggg time!
Before I update you on that trip home I should probably update you on Kenley's birthday first! Before this last trip home we had gone up north a couple weeks prior to celebrate our little girl turning ONE. it was one very quick trip and we were basically just up for the weekend but it was SO perfect. Her party was everything I pictured and more. After all of my blog stalking, decoration hoarding and brain storming, it came together so well!
It was a BEAUTIFUL Sunday afternoon.... the weather was amazing. About FOURTY of our friends and family gathered to wish our baby a very happy first :)
I simply couldnt believe what I was hearing when everyone sang the "happy birthday song".... Our baby girl is 13 months today and I STILL cant believe we have celebrated her first year with us.
Kenley was the belle of the ball as usual and was dressed accordingly. Pictures never even seem to do that girl justice!
And speaking of pictures, the day was captured by our usual photographer Caitlin O'Reilly who did an outstanding job as always.
I spent most of the day trying to make the rounds and at least visit with everyone for just a little bit. The day went by way too fast.
It ended with my brother spinning me around infront of everyone, blindfolding me and tried to get me to hit the owl pinata... which ended me up scratched and bruised and sitting in a rose bush in our front yard.
The whole day was just another example of how loved our little girl is. We feel so blessed to have so many family and friends who were willing to make the drive and clear their schedules to be there.
Not to mention that she made out like a bandit! haha
We have been introducing one new toy every week which has been the BEST idea. It has kept her nice and occupied while I work, clean etc.
The best gift of all was probably the hardbound book that Caitlin did of all the pictures from her birthday. She very "artisticly" put all the pictures together and the final product was perfection.... and the work of a true professional. Im so happy to have such a great remembrance of the day :)
So today I blog to you from my desk which is now sitting right in our front window... and I LOVE it here. Its kind of hard to explain where it is, but I get lots of natural light, I can keep a better eye on Kenley while I work, its so much more open than the office and its a CHANGE! I think im going to keep it here forever... I got LOTS of work done with it here in the early hours of this morning.
ok so...I originally sat down to tell you about our last trip home... and all of the HILARIOUS and intelligent things Kenley has done since the last time we "talked."
Our first day home was spent in the lovely bay area where my mom picked us up from the Oakland airport and we made the rounds in the South City area... seeing both sets of my grandparents and enjoying the fresh COOL air. I cant tell you how good it felt!
The following day was the only day we stood still. Most of our mornings were spent walking with my best friends mom (and my friend) Jen Sims... absouletly LOVED watching her carry Kenley in the Ergo and try to walk both dogs.
Once we get to the Napa is when the total free-frall begins. We were either visting friends or being visted by friends the whole time we were there.
Our first weekend there was full of "bridal" activities, for my dear friend Makayla BRANCO! Her bridal shower and bachelorette parties were SO fun.
That following Tuesday we left for Tahoe... Tahoe my one true love. I spent SOOOO much time up there in high school, not so much time in college and hadnt been back since. Growing up I always said it was where I wanted to end up, raise my family and live til I die. Going back reminded me of why I once said that. We spent our time hiking, paddle boarding, swimming, shopping and simply taking in the beauty. I WILL end up there.
When we got back Gavin was finally able to come up!! I had missed him so much and was so excited to see him. He had just finished his first session of summer schoool and passed both classes with flying colors :)
He made it just in time for the real reason we came up in the first place... the BRANCO wedding! And boy was it well worth all the travel time. We had so much fun... and what a gorgeous wedding, and what a gorgeous couple. It was the best wedding I have ever been to... or ever even seen PICTURES of!!!! It was THAT well done. And as AC said "Makayla had a vision for the day... and she nailed it." We danced the night away and loved watching the happy couple together. The whole thing was perfection. As Gavin and I quickly approach our one year anniversary on Sunday it reminded us so much of the vows we took as well.
If I see one thing for Kenley's future... its two parents holding hands and sticking it out to the bitter end. I hope that for little Koa as well and I KNOW that Makayla and AC will make it because of the unconditional love they have for one another. I know that the "right" order is first being married and then starting a family but I feel like both of our relationships have already had one of the ultimate tests!... and what honest, loyal, and trusted MEN we have had by our sides. lucky us.
It is SO much easier to walk away from something than it is to make it work and I think I speak for Makayla as well when I say that I never do things the easy way :)
As I type, Kenley is fast asleep in her very low crib. I say that because our little escape artist's crib mattress is as close to the ground as it can go. Yep, I went in there two days ago when she had awoke from her nap to find one leg completely over the railing... talk about a close call. She is all kinds of busy these days... and Im loving it. It seems like all of the sudden she is doing TONS of new things at once.
Yesterday she waved to Gavin as he left for the gym and said "bye bye DaDa." ARE YOU KIDDING??!!?? I just about hit the floor.
Im still loving working on her sign language with her and its really starting to come in handy. Her newest signs are: water, please, thank you, doggie (so cute), SLEEP (which she uses a lot and even does it if you say "tired") and... I cant even think of the rest. She is getting too smart and its so weird being able to communicate with her!!! I love it though :)
Our house is gradually baby proofing itself as we have had to put up gates, move furniture around and put devices on doors, cupboards and droors. she is getting into EVERYTHING. I think it will be another month or so before she walking (which I am totally fine with!) I have read so many good things about babies taking their sweet time with walking... and it makes my job a lot easier for now! heck, both at home AND at Kissui (where my hours are picking up and im very excited about).
And speaking of things Im excited about... I find myself feeling this way a lot lately. and then I think about what it is Im excited about and it makes me appreciate a few simple things about myself, which I may not do enough. I just feel like being a mom gets you excited about the funniest things and when I think about what it is that Im so jazzed about it makes me laugh. This week it was: a new favorite cloth diaper (Kawaii Baby), a new hanging wet/dry bag for Kenley's room (by Planet Wise... SUPER cute print that matches her room perfectly), reusable wipes (by Thirsties) and some biodegradable liners (by Bummis) all courtesy of a very generous gift card to Kissui from my Grandma :)
Life is good in the Mills home <3
Well, as usual I feel like Im leaving lots out but thanks for stopping by!
Blog ya later, Jess
Its been far too long, yet seems like I did my last post yesterday! This little family has been BUSY... so thanks for bearing with me.
To catch you up, we are back in Riverside after a nice long (ten day) vacation "home." Let me tell you, after a trip like that it was not easy to come back down here. I was dreading leaving! but... it does feel good to be back, in our own space. It was by far the busiest trip we have taken home and was the most fun we have had in a lonnnngggg time!
Before I update you on that trip home I should probably update you on Kenley's birthday first! Before this last trip home we had gone up north a couple weeks prior to celebrate our little girl turning ONE. it was one very quick trip and we were basically just up for the weekend but it was SO perfect. Her party was everything I pictured and more. After all of my blog stalking, decoration hoarding and brain storming, it came together so well!
It was a BEAUTIFUL Sunday afternoon.... the weather was amazing. About FOURTY of our friends and family gathered to wish our baby a very happy first :)
I simply couldnt believe what I was hearing when everyone sang the "happy birthday song".... Our baby girl is 13 months today and I STILL cant believe we have celebrated her first year with us.
Kenley was the belle of the ball as usual and was dressed accordingly. Pictures never even seem to do that girl justice!
And speaking of pictures, the day was captured by our usual photographer Caitlin O'Reilly who did an outstanding job as always.
I spent most of the day trying to make the rounds and at least visit with everyone for just a little bit. The day went by way too fast.
It ended with my brother spinning me around infront of everyone, blindfolding me and tried to get me to hit the owl pinata... which ended me up scratched and bruised and sitting in a rose bush in our front yard.
The whole day was just another example of how loved our little girl is. We feel so blessed to have so many family and friends who were willing to make the drive and clear their schedules to be there.
Not to mention that she made out like a bandit! haha
We have been introducing one new toy every week which has been the BEST idea. It has kept her nice and occupied while I work, clean etc.
The best gift of all was probably the hardbound book that Caitlin did of all the pictures from her birthday. She very "artisticly" put all the pictures together and the final product was perfection.... and the work of a true professional. Im so happy to have such a great remembrance of the day :)
So today I blog to you from my desk which is now sitting right in our front window... and I LOVE it here. Its kind of hard to explain where it is, but I get lots of natural light, I can keep a better eye on Kenley while I work, its so much more open than the office and its a CHANGE! I think im going to keep it here forever... I got LOTS of work done with it here in the early hours of this morning.
ok so...I originally sat down to tell you about our last trip home... and all of the HILARIOUS and intelligent things Kenley has done since the last time we "talked."
Our first day home was spent in the lovely bay area where my mom picked us up from the Oakland airport and we made the rounds in the South City area... seeing both sets of my grandparents and enjoying the fresh COOL air. I cant tell you how good it felt!
The following day was the only day we stood still. Most of our mornings were spent walking with my best friends mom (and my friend) Jen Sims... absouletly LOVED watching her carry Kenley in the Ergo and try to walk both dogs.
Once we get to the Napa is when the total free-frall begins. We were either visting friends or being visted by friends the whole time we were there.
Our first weekend there was full of "bridal" activities, for my dear friend Makayla BRANCO! Her bridal shower and bachelorette parties were SO fun.
That following Tuesday we left for Tahoe... Tahoe my one true love. I spent SOOOO much time up there in high school, not so much time in college and hadnt been back since. Growing up I always said it was where I wanted to end up, raise my family and live til I die. Going back reminded me of why I once said that. We spent our time hiking, paddle boarding, swimming, shopping and simply taking in the beauty. I WILL end up there.
When we got back Gavin was finally able to come up!! I had missed him so much and was so excited to see him. He had just finished his first session of summer schoool and passed both classes with flying colors :)
He made it just in time for the real reason we came up in the first place... the BRANCO wedding! And boy was it well worth all the travel time. We had so much fun... and what a gorgeous wedding, and what a gorgeous couple. It was the best wedding I have ever been to... or ever even seen PICTURES of!!!! It was THAT well done. And as AC said "Makayla had a vision for the day... and she nailed it." We danced the night away and loved watching the happy couple together. The whole thing was perfection. As Gavin and I quickly approach our one year anniversary on Sunday it reminded us so much of the vows we took as well.
If I see one thing for Kenley's future... its two parents holding hands and sticking it out to the bitter end. I hope that for little Koa as well and I KNOW that Makayla and AC will make it because of the unconditional love they have for one another. I know that the "right" order is first being married and then starting a family but I feel like both of our relationships have already had one of the ultimate tests!... and what honest, loyal, and trusted MEN we have had by our sides. lucky us.
It is SO much easier to walk away from something than it is to make it work and I think I speak for Makayla as well when I say that I never do things the easy way :)
As I type, Kenley is fast asleep in her very low crib. I say that because our little escape artist's crib mattress is as close to the ground as it can go. Yep, I went in there two days ago when she had awoke from her nap to find one leg completely over the railing... talk about a close call. She is all kinds of busy these days... and Im loving it. It seems like all of the sudden she is doing TONS of new things at once.
Yesterday she waved to Gavin as he left for the gym and said "bye bye DaDa." ARE YOU KIDDING??!!?? I just about hit the floor.
Im still loving working on her sign language with her and its really starting to come in handy. Her newest signs are: water, please, thank you, doggie (so cute), SLEEP (which she uses a lot and even does it if you say "tired") and... I cant even think of the rest. She is getting too smart and its so weird being able to communicate with her!!! I love it though :)
Our house is gradually baby proofing itself as we have had to put up gates, move furniture around and put devices on doors, cupboards and droors. she is getting into EVERYTHING. I think it will be another month or so before she walking (which I am totally fine with!) I have read so many good things about babies taking their sweet time with walking... and it makes my job a lot easier for now! heck, both at home AND at Kissui (where my hours are picking up and im very excited about).
And speaking of things Im excited about... I find myself feeling this way a lot lately. and then I think about what it is Im excited about and it makes me appreciate a few simple things about myself, which I may not do enough. I just feel like being a mom gets you excited about the funniest things and when I think about what it is that Im so jazzed about it makes me laugh. This week it was: a new favorite cloth diaper (Kawaii Baby), a new hanging wet/dry bag for Kenley's room (by Planet Wise... SUPER cute print that matches her room perfectly), reusable wipes (by Thirsties) and some biodegradable liners (by Bummis) all courtesy of a very generous gift card to Kissui from my Grandma :)
Life is good in the Mills home <3
Well, as usual I feel like Im leaving lots out but thanks for stopping by!
Blog ya later, Jess
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Letter #8
Ok, little one... so its very apparent that I didnt get to twenty something letters like I hoped. But to finish them off I wanted to share your birth story.
One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.
June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.
Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.
When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"
I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.
Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.
We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.
I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I
By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!
My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.
Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.
At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.
You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.
I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.
It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.
You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.
One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.
June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.
Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.
When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"
I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.
Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.
We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.
I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I
By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!
My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.
Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.
At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.
You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.
I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.
It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.
You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.
Letter #7
Ok, little one... so its very apparent that I didnt get to twenty something letters like I hoped. But to finish them off I wanted to share your birth story.
One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.
June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.
Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.
When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"
I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.
Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.
We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.
I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I
By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!
My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.
Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.
At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.
You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.
I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.
It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.
You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.
One year ago today I was one uncomfortable mama. I kept saying that I was "just going to be pregnant forever." I was shocked that I was four days past my due date. I was so ready for you to be here and was just trying not to get impatient. I knew I really did not want to be induced so I just prayed you would come on your own.
June 29 was a Tuesday last year. In my last four weeks of pregnancy I had been seeing Dr. King every Tuesday. I went it that morning knowing that the word "induction" was going to be put out on the table. I knew this because the very first due date that I had been given was June 11 and everyone was thinking you should have been here by now. Dr. King did not want me to go more than 7 days past the last due date that he had given me. I had been dialted at 2 cm and had been having irregular contractions for 3 weeks and when he checked me that morning I was still at a 2. He said that I would be reporting to labor and delivery Thursday night to start my induction. I was pretty bummed out. I really had wanted the whole thing to start naturally but trusted him and knew that it was best.
Your daddy and I left his office and he decided to cheer me up with some Jamba Juice. When we got there I got out of the car to feel a huge "rush" of fluid. "MY WATER!" I reached down to swipe my pants and what I thought was my "water" was actually blood. My hand was covered in it. I was so scared baby! No one told me that bleeding was even a possibility. Your daddy immediately called Dr. King back and told him what had happened. He told us to go home, for me to lie down and if the bleeding didnt stop in the next 2 hours to come back in.
When we went home, my contractions started to pick up and the bleeding had not stopped. We called Dr. King again and were on our way to labor and delivery by about 1:00 in the afternoon. When we got there a nurse "checked" me again... I had quickly dialted to a 4 within just a matter of hours. She said, "wow, her head is RIGHT there... looks like you wont be going anyhwere!"
I was so relieved to know that you were on your way.
Granny, Uncle Mike, Grandma Patty, and Auntie Tiff got to the hospital as quick as they could. Your daddy and I decided that we just wanted it to be the two of us in the room when you were born and I didnt want to be talked out of that once people arrived so I made them promise not to tell anyone that I was in labor. I LOVED having just the four of them there.
We walked the halls to try and speed things up. The pain was still no more than some bad period cramps, which I have been very used to. until.............. 3:00 pm rolled around and my water broke. what a WEIRD sensation. I swear I heard a POP and then followed a huge gush, all over the hallway.
My nurse (who was wonderful by the way) warned me that pain was really going to pick up and that I needed to get back on the monitors for a little bit. and my oh my was she right.
I kicked and cried and breathed and moaned. With each horrible contraction I pictured a wave and the pain coming and leaving with the wave. It helped... for a little bit (haha) I
By 8:00 pm I had dialted to a 7. I was dying baby. The pain was just too much. I had gone into my labor very open to different options for pain relief. While I had wanted to go all-natural and was SO close to the end.... when the nurse came in and told me that "this was my last opportunity for an epidural before it was too late"... I took her up on it. and to this day... I am so happy with that decision. although I wish I had done it sooner!
My epidural ending up working PERFECTLY. I was left with feeling in my legs and moved them as much as I wanted to yet had amazing relief from the pain of my contractions. I could still feel them but not near as bad. I was so relaxed and really enjoyed the rest of the process.
Around 9:30 pm... it was time to push..... and push.... and push.... and push.... and push.... (this went on for two hours) it hurt so bad baby!! I remember feeling so nauseated and came so close to throwing up several times but never did. Your daddy was such a great coach and talked me through the whole thing.
At 11:35 pm Dr. King said... "reach down and grab your baby!" so I reached down and pulled you the rest of the way out.
and there you were.
You were so warm and slimy.... and BEAUTIFUL. I remember the very first thing I did was double check to see if you were really a girl. (I just wasnt convinced the whole time) haha. We sat there and just stared into each others eyes for a while before you went and got cleaned up.
I was so anxious to get you back. I stayed up and held you all night.... even though I knew we would be in for a long day of visitors the following days.
When you werent getting visitors, I spent most of my time nursing you and just looking at you. I couldnt believe that YOU, such a beautiful little being, were what was inside of me all that time.
It still boggles my mind. The human body is truly a miracle.
You turn ONE tomorrow little girl. I cant believe it but it has been the best year of my life.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Letter #6
Kenley,
Kenley Marie Mills.... Kenley Mills, Kenley Marie (as your daddy likes to say). I love your name, and you should know that your name is so special to me.
I was about 5 months pregnant when we decided on your name. I loved the fact that your daddy and I had finally come to a desicion and had agreed on your name together. From that point on I would always refer to you by name. "well, when Kenley is here..." and "this will look so cute on Kenley." "I wonder what Kenley will look like." and..."owwww! Kenley is right under my ribs!" I was already in love.
So... let me tell you about your name.
Before I even knew that your name actually had been used as a name before, I KNEW that boy or girl, your daddy and I would name our baby after my Uncle Ken. If we were having a boy his middle name would be Kenneth. So when we found out that you were a girl we had to get a little bit more creative. While going through all the baby name books, I found myself being continually drawn to names ending in "-ley." And one night when your daddy was already asleep and I lay there trying to fall asleep myself, it hit me! KEN-LEY! I tapped your daddy on the shoulder and whispered in his ear..."kenley..." He didnt say anything, just smiled.
It breaks my heart a little to know that you wont meet your great Uncle Ken.... he would have LOVED you. Your grammy and I say all the time how much he would have hogged you and you two would have been best friends. I know this because thats how he was with me.
He was MY mommys older brother, my Godfather and one of my very best friends. Uncle Ken and I always got told how much we looked alike. Not only did we look alike but we just seemed to click. We were two peas in a pod.
Every once in a while you will pull his picture down from the entertainment center where it sits. I usually take it from you so you dont break it and point to the picture... "This is Uncle Ken. We named you after him... he's in heaven." You usually just smile, like you know.
When it came to giving you a middle name I hadnt even thought to give you the same initals as him but "Marie" is a family name for both your daddy and I and we thought it sounded so cute together. So now your first two initails are K.M. just like Kenneth Mayland (Semmler).
Ive become a little protective over your name, baby. I dont like hearing that someone knows someone who named their daughter Kenley. Maybe its because it means more to me. I hope you like your name too. I know I hated growing up with a name that was so common, so hopefully you will enjoy having something a little different.
Things for your first birthday are really coming together! Which is good because 1 week from today we will be in Napa getting ready for your party.
xoxoxo Mama
Kenley Marie Mills.... Kenley Mills, Kenley Marie (as your daddy likes to say). I love your name, and you should know that your name is so special to me.
I was about 5 months pregnant when we decided on your name. I loved the fact that your daddy and I had finally come to a desicion and had agreed on your name together. From that point on I would always refer to you by name. "well, when Kenley is here..." and "this will look so cute on Kenley." "I wonder what Kenley will look like." and..."owwww! Kenley is right under my ribs!" I was already in love.
So... let me tell you about your name.
Before I even knew that your name actually had been used as a name before, I KNEW that boy or girl, your daddy and I would name our baby after my Uncle Ken. If we were having a boy his middle name would be Kenneth. So when we found out that you were a girl we had to get a little bit more creative. While going through all the baby name books, I found myself being continually drawn to names ending in "-ley." And one night when your daddy was already asleep and I lay there trying to fall asleep myself, it hit me! KEN-LEY! I tapped your daddy on the shoulder and whispered in his ear..."kenley..." He didnt say anything, just smiled.
It breaks my heart a little to know that you wont meet your great Uncle Ken.... he would have LOVED you. Your grammy and I say all the time how much he would have hogged you and you two would have been best friends. I know this because thats how he was with me.
He was MY mommys older brother, my Godfather and one of my very best friends. Uncle Ken and I always got told how much we looked alike. Not only did we look alike but we just seemed to click. We were two peas in a pod.
Every once in a while you will pull his picture down from the entertainment center where it sits. I usually take it from you so you dont break it and point to the picture... "This is Uncle Ken. We named you after him... he's in heaven." You usually just smile, like you know.
When it came to giving you a middle name I hadnt even thought to give you the same initals as him but "Marie" is a family name for both your daddy and I and we thought it sounded so cute together. So now your first two initails are K.M. just like Kenneth Mayland (Semmler).
Ive become a little protective over your name, baby. I dont like hearing that someone knows someone who named their daughter Kenley. Maybe its because it means more to me. I hope you like your name too. I know I hated growing up with a name that was so common, so hopefully you will enjoy having something a little different.
Things for your first birthday are really coming together! Which is good because 1 week from today we will be in Napa getting ready for your party.
xoxoxo Mama
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Letter #5
Kenley,
This is the story of how you and I came to re-define the term "retail therapy."
I cant WAIT until I can tell you all about our adventures at Kissui... about the hours on end I had to strapped to my back (and front), about how you were the perfect floor model and about the crazy outfits you got to wear...
Tomorrow you and I will pack up in the morning and be in Redlands by 10:00am. We will stop at Coffee Bean and get "the usual." We will drive two more blocks where I will park and first admire the adorable window display of the place we call work. The store looks so peaceful in the morning. Before I turn on the lights, there is a perfect beam of sun that lights up the front of the store, like a spotlight.
When I put the key in the door and hear it creak open, I realize thats the last time all day the store will be quiet enough to hear it "creak." ... because for the rest of the day it will be a combination of noises: our random mash-up of Pandora stations, the gib-gab of all the fabulous mommies, the phone ringing and of course your cute and not-so-little noises. Throughout our shift we will be doing cloth diaper and baby wearing demonstrations- I will tell the curious mamas what has worked for you and I (and what hasnt) , what everyone else at Kissui suggests and of course, the crunchy-green way of doing things. Meanwhile, everyone will poke and gawk over you and you will act like its nothing new, which it isnt but youre a trooper anyway. We will keep the store tidy and stocked. We will sweep. We will type up baby registiries and we will call our patient customers to let them know that our "______ shipment has finally arrived."
By the time you and I are both drenched in sweat I will put you in the little red chair that sits behind the counter. Its like a highchair with no tray. There you will dig into your cheerios or peach puffs. Unless I put you at the perfect coordinates, you will tug on the tissue paper display or start pulling stuff off the counters. Its a perfected art-form, baby.
So really, you can tell Kissui doesnt really feel like "retail" at all. I like to think of it more as a cool-club for-crunchy-moms-who-do-their-research.... who in exchange for sparkling converstation (and a sneak-peek at their brand new baby or soon-to-pop belly) get to check out all our cool stuff.
In a Japanese dictionary you will find "kissui" to mean; pure, genuine and natural... and it is all of those things (plus some over the top adorable clothes/assessories) but for your Mama, it has been a life-saver... a reason to get showered, clothed and OUTSIDE! To say that I have enjoyed getting to know the other girls that work there and have had fun hanging with them seems like such a HUGE understatement... I wish I knew them from day one down here!
But more importantly, I think its been good for you too. You LOVEEE checking out all the other babies and you are so intriguied by all the colors, shapes and sounds of the store.
People are always complaining about their co-workers, clearly none of them have worked with you. Thanks for being awesome.
12 days til you are one.
Love, Mama
This is the story of how you and I came to re-define the term "retail therapy."
I cant WAIT until I can tell you all about our adventures at Kissui... about the hours on end I had to strapped to my back (and front), about how you were the perfect floor model and about the crazy outfits you got to wear...
Tomorrow you and I will pack up in the morning and be in Redlands by 10:00am. We will stop at Coffee Bean and get "the usual." We will drive two more blocks where I will park and first admire the adorable window display of the place we call work. The store looks so peaceful in the morning. Before I turn on the lights, there is a perfect beam of sun that lights up the front of the store, like a spotlight.
When I put the key in the door and hear it creak open, I realize thats the last time all day the store will be quiet enough to hear it "creak." ... because for the rest of the day it will be a combination of noises: our random mash-up of Pandora stations, the gib-gab of all the fabulous mommies, the phone ringing and of course your cute and not-so-little noises. Throughout our shift we will be doing cloth diaper and baby wearing demonstrations- I will tell the curious mamas what has worked for you and I (and what hasnt) , what everyone else at Kissui suggests and of course, the crunchy-green way of doing things. Meanwhile, everyone will poke and gawk over you and you will act like its nothing new, which it isnt but youre a trooper anyway. We will keep the store tidy and stocked. We will sweep. We will type up baby registiries and we will call our patient customers to let them know that our "______ shipment has finally arrived."
By the time you and I are both drenched in sweat I will put you in the little red chair that sits behind the counter. Its like a highchair with no tray. There you will dig into your cheerios or peach puffs. Unless I put you at the perfect coordinates, you will tug on the tissue paper display or start pulling stuff off the counters. Its a perfected art-form, baby.
So really, you can tell Kissui doesnt really feel like "retail" at all. I like to think of it more as a cool-club for-crunchy-moms-who-do-their-research.... who in exchange for sparkling converstation (and a sneak-peek at their brand new baby or soon-to-pop belly) get to check out all our cool stuff.
In a Japanese dictionary you will find "kissui" to mean; pure, genuine and natural... and it is all of those things (plus some over the top adorable clothes/assessories) but for your Mama, it has been a life-saver... a reason to get showered, clothed and OUTSIDE! To say that I have enjoyed getting to know the other girls that work there and have had fun hanging with them seems like such a HUGE understatement... I wish I knew them from day one down here!
But more importantly, I think its been good for you too. You LOVEEE checking out all the other babies and you are so intriguied by all the colors, shapes and sounds of the store.
People are always complaining about their co-workers, clearly none of them have worked with you. Thanks for being awesome.
12 days til you are one.
Love, Mama
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Letter #4
Dear Kenley (my little traveling gypsy),
Between being born in Napa and spending your first two months there, and then spending the rest of the summer in Cloverdale, THEN moving on down to the desesrt... you have lived in THREE different cities all before the age of one.... thus giving you your very appropriate nickname (by Granny Sarah) "the traveling gypsy." and that you are...
When I think about the many random places youve been and people youve seen I cant help but wonder how it will affect you. I have a feeling you are going to have very little fear of the unknown, which you already do. You will let ANYONE hold you and will go ANYWHERE. But dont get too brave little one, as much as I love to assume the best in people myself, not everyone can be trusted!
I can see it now, with your big heart and curious mind... just wanting to assume the best in everyone as well. The world is big beautiful place and I hope you get to see it all, just promise Mama you will always be careful!
As we speak you have crawled out of the computer room and into your room around the corner and you are taking everything off of the lower shelf of your changing table. exactly two weeks until your first birthday and you are tearing into EVERYTHING! like I said, curious you are.
Some days I dont know where to call home, but I figure "home" is wherever you are.
Love, Mama
Between being born in Napa and spending your first two months there, and then spending the rest of the summer in Cloverdale, THEN moving on down to the desesrt... you have lived in THREE different cities all before the age of one.... thus giving you your very appropriate nickname (by Granny Sarah) "the traveling gypsy." and that you are...
When I think about the many random places youve been and people youve seen I cant help but wonder how it will affect you. I have a feeling you are going to have very little fear of the unknown, which you already do. You will let ANYONE hold you and will go ANYWHERE. But dont get too brave little one, as much as I love to assume the best in people myself, not everyone can be trusted!
I can see it now, with your big heart and curious mind... just wanting to assume the best in everyone as well. The world is big beautiful place and I hope you get to see it all, just promise Mama you will always be careful!
As we speak you have crawled out of the computer room and into your room around the corner and you are taking everything off of the lower shelf of your changing table. exactly two weeks until your first birthday and you are tearing into EVERYTHING! like I said, curious you are.
Some days I dont know where to call home, but I figure "home" is wherever you are.
Love, Mama
one of our first days in Riverside.
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