february in a flash

I must mean business if I just unplugged my lap top, removed it from my work desk and sat down on the couch. This usually means I am blogging. and for the record... I tried FIVE seperate times to upload the video of Kenley and her "Quiet Book." in my previous post .... my computer obviously had other plans. Ill try and post some pics later.

When talking to a fellow blogger friend yesterday ;) I mentioned that I enjoyed reading her blog so much but totally have neglected my own. Her response was something along the lines of "two jobs and a toddler... blogging is probably the last thing you have time for." I never really think of it this way, since I make time to do other leisurely things but its true... it has not been a priority. Needless to say, everytime I sit down to think about what I should or could blog about lately, my mind goes to one place that I wasnt sure I wanted to share.... but I could use the support and my friends and family are really very good at that.

I guess I debated on making it public knowledge that I have some health concerns going on because
a) I dont know enough about it yet
b) I dont want anyone to worry
c) I havent really liked talking about it

Having said that... let me elaborate.

When we were home for Christmas, I had my IUD removed... for serveral reasons that I wont get into but lets just say that it was not working for me... both physically and emotionally. I ENVY anyone that the Mirena IUD works for... it was so convenient and on paper, basically perfect. However, it drove me insane for 18 months straight and I felt like I had given it a fair chance.

When I had it removed I think I expected immediate relief. Not only did that not happen but my symptoms worsened. I decided to try and find an OB/GYN down here.

Through one of Gavin's teammate's moms (who works for this doctor's office in Loma Linda, fairly close to us) I was able to find a great doctor who has been VERY thorough with me. I discussed my medical history with her in great detail and was able to express some of my concerns. She was attentive and helpful immediately. She ordered several blood tests to check my thyroid and other contributing hormones.

So I have to say I was not surprised when I got a phone call a couple of days later to find out that one of my tests had come back abnormally. I was told to come back and see Dr. Sawyer before she left for vacation later in the week. I ended up coming in the very next day to find out that my levels for the hormone DHEA were high. (normal range being 40-300 and mine was 327).

Terms from Anatomy 101 started swirling in my head... I remembered DHEA but wasnt sure what this could mean. DHEA is a hormone that your adrenal glands produce. The adrenals sit on top of each kidney and when the level of this hormone is as high as mine is, it can mean that there is a tumor on one of the glands.

You can imagine how the room starts to spin and your whole body tenses as the words "adrenal tumor" gets thrown out there. BUT!! it could mean something else, which is why I am seeing an expert on the subject.

Dr. Sawyer reffered me to an Endocrinologist named Dr. Michael Riley in Riverside that I am seeing this Friday. I am very anxious to find out more but have done my best to keep doing everything as normally as possible. I dont want to give myself a reason to worry until I really need one.

One of my best friends Sarah (Kenley's Godmother) is coming down to hang with Kenley on the day of the appointment and be with me while Gavin is gone for the weekend. I hadnt even finished explaining everything to her on the phone before she said she was looking at flights to come down.

Gavin is actually going home this weekend for the written exam portion of the California Fish and Game Academy in Sacramento. The application process takes an entire year and if all goes according to plan, he will be starting the academy to become a "game warden." If you dont know what this is, its very similar to a Sheriff only they enforce hunting and fishing laws. Gavin has really been pursing this and has made it possible to be done with school by then. He is working SO hard.

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that Gavin would be taking 20 units during baseball season.
Well... we are in the thick of it. I knew it was going to be hard but WOW. Gavin is beyond busy. Kenley and I barely see him and when we do I feel like all I do is ask for help, because frankly, I need it!

As you can tell we have a lot on our plates. Its been important for me to just take things one day at a time and deal with whatever is going on the moment. I have to be honest though... we are so close to being done here and I have never been so close to throwing in the towel. Its been a lot to deal with at once and I could use some help. Im not giving up though and try to keep in mind how worth it this will all be... HOPEFULLY very soon.

AND  on a much lighter note...Im so excited for baseball season to be here. As busy as it makes Gavin, I absolutely love going to his games. This weekend we had the seasoner opener family BBQ. It was so much fun. Its such an awesome team and they all come from amazing families. They all love Kenley and are so cute with her. If you saw the picture of her wearing a pink backpack on instagram, that was given to her Saturday by one of the moms and it was filled with new books, snacks and CANDY :) At the games I tend to get a little bit of a break as everyone passes her around. Although this year they will be CHASING her around.

The weekend before last we spent in Balboa (right by Huntington Beach) with my friend of 20 years Caitlin and her boyfriend. I shouldnt say we spent the weekend because really it was just late Saturday evening that we got in and had to leave sunday morning (which was not long enough at ALL) so Gavin could get to baseball and work. Right when we got there Caitlin and Alex had a delicious dinner prepared and then we took a 75 cent ferry ride to Balboa Island where we got what is called a "Balboa Bar".... basically deliciousness on a stick. Caitlin and I woke up a FIVE the next morning to take a run on the beach. I really cant think of anything more relaxing. We then got ready and Cait did a morning family beach shoot of us before we took off. For Christmas Caitlin gave me a certificate that said she would FRAME a family portrait of us... which is so so so generous of her. I cant wait to see it because the pictures turned out awesome. She is so unbelievably talented and I love showing off her work.

As for the little lady in the middle of the picture... I dont know what to say. She could probably tell you how she is doing herself! She is talking up a storm. I can pretty much get her to repeat anything but the words she comes up with on her own are the best. A personal favorite right now is "Oh boy!"

She is pooping on the toilet twice a day but is still wearing a diaper a night while we get the pee situation down. Yes, I know its early but this is not anything we forced. Cloth diapered babies almost always potty train quicker because of the fact that they have always felt when they are wet. She tells us "poo poo!!" and off to her little potty we go.

She is still a trooper on days I bring her to work and I love having her there.

I know everyone says they grow up fast but I swear Kenley is defying the aging process. I blink and she has a new word, a new idea, a new dance. I love her creativity and bottle up a little for myself every night as I rock her to sleep.

Things Im looking forward to: Sarah this weekend, Gavins family the next weekend and spending the weekend in San Diego with my family the following weekend while Gavin is in Arizona.

Well... maybe if I blogged more, my posts wouldnt be mistaken for epic novels.

I will do my best to keep everyone posted on... well... everything!

Jess

hand-made with love

I dont know about you, but I definitely had a "quiet book" when I was little... but mine was no where near this cool. I hadnt even thought about mine in years until I saw one on PINTEREST about a month ago. If you dont know what one is you are about to see! The pages of a quiet book are usually made from felt or any other soft material, great for times when you need to keep baby occupied and well... quiet. It's main purpose is for during church but since Kenley has been going to the nursery during chruch (and having lots of fun there) we have had a great time with this amazing gift at home.
Gavin's Aunt Sue is a brilliat seamstress and came up with most of the pages off the top of her head. The first time I looked through it, I was floored. Its perfect. Check it out...

I love that most of the gifts that we gave AND recieved this year were hand made... and this year I gave myself enough time that they didnt have to be thrown together at the last second. I really impressed myself with some of the stuff I came up with! I made several cake plates, ornaments, did lots of mason jar projects, worked with some old wood and some cool vintage finds... and by the end of christmas had a good layer of mod podge, paint and sparkles on EVERYTHING...

When we were shopping around for everyone I couldnt help but notice the complete peices of junk that places like Target, Babies R Us, Wal Mart etc. try to pass off as childrens toys... Literal painted pieces of plastic that they mark up 300% and pretend that you MUST have. Lucky for Kenley, she knows some very crafty, talented people! Her Grandma Patty is finishing up a very special DOLL as we speak. (I will do a later post about baby "June" when she arrives).

Chrsitmas with her this year was SO much fun. I loved watching her open her own gifts and actually get EXCITED when she saw what it was. We had so much fun at home (even though we literally drove from Napa to Cloverdale and visa-versa FOUR times)... It was worth every mile though. We got to spend lots of quality time with both families.

It is so good to be back down here though. All of the tons laundry is finally put away, we are all unpacked and ready for an extremly busy quarter. Gavin is taking 20 ( yes TWENTYYYYY) units on top of baseball season and P/T work at the golf course... while I continuing working both jobs. Call us crazy... I know I do!

coming soon...

this post is a promise for a real post... in the near future... I PROMISE! Im admitting that blogging was the last thing on my mind during our 3 weeks stay up north. I hope everyone's holidays were as enjoyable as ours (with hopefully less time spent traveling).

Off to crash the Weakly family New Years Eve Party... any bets on  how long Kenley will last???

2011 was so good to this little family and by the looks of it 2012 has lots in store as well.... God's blessings to everyone in the year to come.

xoxo
Jess

Thankful...

Just a quick post a couple minutes before midnight, making it officially Thanksgiving.

It is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people call it "Turkey Day."

God forbid we should take a moment to relfect on the things that we THANKful for.

So I had to do just that.

It does feel a little weird that I wont be spending the day with my own family tomorrow but I am so THANKful that Gavin's mom and brother drove down to spend the holiday with us. We had a great time hitting all the local thrift stores today. They are so easy and fun to be around and I geniunely could not have married into a better family. So I am starting my post by being thankful for my in-laws... I bet not too many bloggers can say that! haha

Next, I am thankful for the fact that we have FRIENDS in Riverside this Thanksgiving. I cant help but remember how DESPERATE for company I was down here at this exact time last year. Thanksgiving was the first time we had come home after the big move and I remember dreading everyone asking me how it was going down here and how I was liking it. I remember getting ready to land at SFO and spotting the Golden Gate Bridge through the fog and just balling my eyes out. Its crazy to think that I was totally content staying down here this year and celebrating with some GREAT people that I absolutely adore. (Our friends the Weakly's have invited us over to share in their families fesitivites.)

Sounds very generic but I am most thankful for my immediate little family. The overwhelming gratefulness that I have for Gavin and Kenley is more than I can describe..... I sit here not knowing what else to say about that because it leaves me speechless. I thank God every day for blessing me with those two.

I am thankful for our little shack, which is so much more than some people have. This little place has been so perfect for our family and I have grown to love it.

I will end with being thankful for a God who continually amazes me with the many blessings that my family and I have been given. I am so thankful for His grace. Whenever I worry about the future, or even the present, I give THANKS knowing that He has huge plans for us!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Jess

first best friends

Kenley has her first bestie!

Her name is Mae.... daughter to my completely fabulous Kissui friend Jill.

Jill is sweet enough to help with Kenley on Thursdays while I work. She also has a little 3 year old boy named Myles who is also so sweet with Kenley. These three together are a hoot and I wish I could watch them the whole time although Jill is so good about filling me in on all the adorable details. Kenley copies everything these two do (including dancing with a diaper on her head).

Mae is exactly 10 days older and Kenley. It is SO fun watching her with a little girl exactly her age. They play really well together... and are always hugging :)

Jill told me that when Kenley leaves may says "WEE-WEEEEE" and signs "more". "wee-wee" meaning Kenley and more meaning that she wants her to come back.

Thank you Hollen family for being so good to our girl.

UCR baseball family

I know what you must be thinking... TWO posts in one week?? I barely manage to get ONE in.

But I just had to share something that is really special to me!

Last night was the second game of Gavins "Fall World Series." Basically the team is divided in two (chosen by Gavin and the other seniors) and they play a three game scrimage against each other. It was FREEZING at the feild. But SO good to be back! I remember blogging when the season ended and realzing just how much I would miss going to the games. After the third game of the series today they wont practice again (besides on their own) until we get back from Christmas break.

I sincerly LOVE the friends that UCR baseball has provided for our little family. Some of the parents, girlfriends, families we dont see besides the game (and we love them too) but others have taken us in as their own.

Last night made me realize just how hard it will be this season between chasing Kenley around on those VERY frightening bleachers, foul balls and trying to keep her warm. Not that I wont have TONS of help. She went from person to person last night and after everyone got their turn with her, they were still willing to walk around with her so I could take a little bit of a break and watch the game. Everyone is SO good with her.

While I havent been so fond of Riverside itself, I cant imagine Gavin being in any other program. I adore these families and cant thank them enough for being so endearing.

go highlanders,

Jess

no one warns you

Its Saturday night, Gavin is over at a teammates watching football and I have found myself with some free time to blog!

When I say that I have time to blog, we wont mention the laundry pile or dishes in the sink.

Anyway... Im reaching out for prayers tonight.

I simply cant stop worrying about Kenley and really need to calm down.

To fill you in, in the last 3 months she has had about four episodes in which she becomes very pale, shakey and lethargic. Her huge blue eyes get dark circles around them and she just does NOT look right. She snaps out of it after having something to eat and laying down for a while but I really feel like something is not quite right about it.

The first time it happened, I took her to see her doctor right away and he attributed it to a recent vaccination... which didnt make me feel ANY better and caused me to obviously question our vaccination choices.

At her last visit I mentioned it again (after it happened a second time) and he said it sounded more like low blood sugar, which DID make me feel a little more at ease, but Im still not convinced.

Tonight she did it again and I got to the point of a near panic attack. Her coloring and the circles under her eyes really threw me off. I made her some dinner and she perked up a little in the bath tub. And let me just say that when that girls hair is wet and up against her head after I pour water on it, she is ALL eyes hahaha. those things are HUGE, and when there are big purple rings around them she looks a little scary! (k, now I have myself laughing and a little more relaxed) .

The evening ended with Gavin very sweetly trying to calm me down after I got on the computer and started googling the worst case scenarios. new moms: DO NOT DO THAT!!

Anyway... please pray for Kenley. I will be calling her doctor first thing Monday morning and hoping to get some better answers. That darn co-pay keeps me from going in to see him at every worrysome moment.

The title of this post comes from the fact that I keep thinking to myself how much no one warns you about how much you will WORRY! If they are crying, you are worried. If they are too quiet, you are worried. If they dont sleep, you worry. If all they want to do is sleep, you worry. THE LIST GOES ON!

So why didnt anyone tell me how much I would worry about her???? Maybe because they didnt want me to? Maybe because its not something us moms consciously do? Either way, I find myself a nervous wreck lately and really need to calm down... so say another little prayer for me too.


On a happier note, I loved the rainy day we had today. It feels like we actually might be heading into winter. Im dying to turn on the Christmas music and hang a few lights. We are going home for TWO full weeks in December and I am literally counting down the days.

In the mean time I am brainstorming (sitting on Pinterest) for fun little DIY Christmas gifts.

Also...Im hoping to have some exciting news in the next couple of weeks... and no, it has nothing to do with me being pregnant. hint: once a Seawolf, MIGHT be a Seawolf again... :::fingerscrossed::::